Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Back to the track

I realized today that I only have eight more days on the crutches. Things have gotten considerably better since I have found a new silver lining and loaned Luke, my "Labmation" mix, to my parents to help socialize and train their new Boston pup. With not having to worry about him I have been able to go home and eat something simple, shower and then retire to my girlfriends copy of "Once a Runner." The recovery has picked up speed and with the help of a session with the MT yesterday things are looking up. So much so when I got up today after yet another great night of sleep, I packed my brand new track bag, thanks to my girlfriend, with my change of clothes and a yoga mat. Going to do a core workout while they log some miles, then go and celebrate my Girlfriend's victory in Sugar Land on Sunday with our track group at our favorite post workout watering hole. It's not running but in eight days I'll be on the bike and hopefully within a few weeks I'll be back in my Adidas's.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Survivor's Guilt

Thought for tonight:

Is there such a thing as survivor's guilt?

When first read it seems to be an easy answer, and I think so at times there is cause for survivor’s guilt. Often times when I look to my not so distant past I feel guilty about missed opportunities. I've wasted time and energy, that it would have been so much easier to skip the all night binge sessions and other self destructive behaviors. Then considering all the facts, to be here today, it had to happen that way. If not, today would not be happening, tomorrow would not exist, and yesterday would be all that I know. So yes we should feel guilty if we are too foolish to look up from the now and say to ourselves, "Self, maybe you might not want to do this." If we can look to the future and ensure that there will be no more stolen breaths, then we need not look to the past with shame and remorse. We are growing, learning, and thinking...

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Hump day to humph day.

My brilliant idea back fired on me tonight. Anticipating the busy weekend ahead of watching my girlfriend race on Sunday and one legged holiday shopping I decided to come home after work instead of meeting up with the team. The plan was to get home at a good time then R.I.C.E. a couple of times before drifting off to sleep. The bright spot is that I had a wonderful impromptu lunch with my doting girlfriend and booked a massage for next Tuesday with a woman I am thoroughly frightened of. She has "Talons of Fury."
I got home and took Luke for a crutch, then fed him and myself. Now I am going crazy. Not only did I not get to run tonight but I also broke my routine. I complain a lot about this. But I am an addict. I need to run, it is my drug of choice and I will not give it up. We are all addicted to one thing or another, some vices are just more healthy than others.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009


Once again no sleep and pharmaceuticals have not helped. I've tried the vegan snake oil bonded with paper approach, and now I'm trying some industrial strength big pharma chemically fortified guaranteed to knock-out a large elephant. Bad sleep seems to be the norm. Trapped within a mind going a million miles an hour attempting to reason anything from, "how many calories were consumed today," to the bigger questions like "is God still listening, or has he tuned me out because of the things I have yelled at him?" Where as in the past strapping on my pondering/ running shoes, and running myself into a state where all I could focus on is mechanics of my stride. A stress fracture and compression of the meniscus has stripped me of that option. So I've been instructed to pick one thought a let it flow through to completion. With that and a statement from my girlfriend that I say a lot of things that need to be said but people don't want to hear, a blog is born.